apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
