i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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