How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
