Cold hands, warm shart.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
