Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
