Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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