i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
