pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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