the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
