Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
