a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
