even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
