Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
