i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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