Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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