Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
