Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
40s are totally the cure
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
