for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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