There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
