This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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