Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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