that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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