I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
