I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
