i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
