Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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