..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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