Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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