Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
