oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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