It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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