Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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