My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
