im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
