My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
