If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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