A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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