Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize