i think i scared a bird with my dick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
