But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
