we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
