New invention idea: vibrating tampons
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
