So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
