I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
