I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
