my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
