i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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