I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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