Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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