I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize