I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
