she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this beer tastes like vomit already
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
