i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
