I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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