the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
