Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
