My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
