Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Couch. On fire.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
