We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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