It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize