Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
