There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
