That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
