If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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