she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
