dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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